Dose of Durkin – Death – Thoughts

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             I didn’t really know where this post was going, just thoughts and some writing I felt I needed to share.    

             I got an email today (Monday) from Todd Durkin. I’m subscribed to his weekly emails ever since meeting him at Blogfest/Idea World this past July. I read his book of WOW and if you haven’t read it, you NEED to. So much inspiration from Todd. I’ll admit, I don’t read every email I get. Sometimes I just delete it. Monday’s topic hit me hard though…death.

                You know that topic you don’t want to ever talk about. That topic you really don’t even want to think about. How much longer do I have to live? Will I achieve the dreams I have?

                I think 2017 has given me a lot of change in perspectives. Beginning the year with traveling with just a backpack, not knowing my next destination or what I was even doing the next day at times. That was hard and yet so freeing. Each day, I faced that type A planner in myself by learning to let go. The trip was worth it and I would take it again in a heartbeat. I started the year on such a high.

                Then I came back to the states…back to reality, moving and finding a job. My anxiety and stress of when will I find a job, when will these rejection emails stop…crept up on me. I was thankful I did manage to find a job rather quickly in the grand scheme of things.

                I had a job. I got back into working out regularly. I lost the 6 pounds I put on during my travels. I felt better. And then…August came. A sudden death followed by lots of food I don’t typical eat and I paid for it. I felt horrible, physically and mentally…not just from coping with this sudden death, but also because as much as I tried to keep up my workouts, they didn’t negate the amount of sweets I ate.

                Shortly after that, we were preparing for yet another funeral. I was just finishing up my yin yoga training and that was hard. Hard, because yin involves so much emotion that I never knew. I went online and ordered stress relief oils. They were amazing when they came.

                One thing I believe, life is full of lessons. I have learned and heard from many people how it’s how you react to the situation.  A sudden death in the family doesn’t mean YOUR life stops. You have to keep moving forward. Take your time to grieve of course. Remember though, the person who passes probably wishes for you to continue living your life and being happy. It can take some time but make baby steps.

                When September came, I thought, great a new month and I will get back on track. I worked to get back to the gym. I booked 2 massages that month. I worked on my self care. Everything was great…until it wasn’t.

                September 14^th, I learned my uncle was in a serious accident. First there were hopes he would recover, though it would be a long road. However, just a couple days later, we learned the outcome was not good and unfortunately the decision to let him go peacefully was best. Nearly a week went by where I knew this but didn’t know when I would be booking a flight home. My sleep that week wasn’t great. I was glad though that I had my massage before heading to the airport.

                Knowing that I was heading home, I arranged to meet up with a friend and spend some beautiful summer like days in September in Chicago. It was nice to not think about all the recent happenings and sadness.

                During my time in the Chicago area, I had some sort of allergies. The day I flew home, my head was all stuffed up and I was tired. With my flight being delayed, I never made it to work (which was a team outing that day that I was sad to miss) and I opted to just pick up some food and go to bed early.

                The next day, I was feeling a bit better, but still tired and still feeling off through the weekend. I opted for sleep over workouts. My body needed it. I got a terrible cold just as I thought I was getting better.

                I looked forward to Wanderlust in Philadelphia that weekend. Wanderlust includes a 5K, yoga and meditation. One thing I am not good at, is sitting still. I need to learn meditation more. However, of all the components to that day, the meditation was the most worthwhile to me as it helped me realize just how much stress I was holding on to.

                So many setbacks in the last 2 months and it has been a roller coaster. You can’t imagine how much I am looking forward to 2018, a new year, an even numbered year (yes I have a preference).

                I have goals and dreams in mind for 2018 that I will share when the time comes, but here is where Todd Durkin continues to inspire me. You have to take action NOW. Sure the last two months haven’t been great. I have had setbacks, but that is why it is so important that I wake up each day and remember, hey it’s a new day. Hey I am still ALIVE!! Today I am feeling better and what am I going to do with my time? I am going to try to spend it to the best that I can, working towards my goals. The work can start now, baby steps to everything. Learning never stops. Brian teaches me that daily when he gets into a new project. Continue to learn and continue to work towards your dreams.

Every day you are alive and well is a day to be grateful for.  

 

 

Thanks Amanda for letting me think out loud.

 

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